Teddy's Talk

Well Tomorrow is Halloween...

Since I live in an apartment building that doesnt allow trick or treating, I will have to go to my mom's to see the ghosts and goblins.

I'm not really big on Halloween any more, which is not good because it's Mike's favorite holiday of the year. We don't have any little ones to take out and it's also the anniversary of my grampie's passing.

I miss him, alot. It's been 4 years since the cancer took him away from us. Some day's I forget that he's gone. I used to visit with my grandparents every night if I wasnt working, I would take my walk around the beach and than right up that hill after supper & the dishes were finished always in time to watch Wheel Of Fortune and Jepordy. Its taken me a while to be able to watch them again. This has been a terrible week, all I want to do is crawl into bed and wait for it to be over. I know in my head that he's in a better place now, and there is no more pain for him... but it's my heart it just aches. If Only... how many times have I said that in the past four years. But If Only's can't do anything... they are wishes that one makes that will never come true.

I'm glad that I was able to be one of his pallbearers. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my life and something that I will never forget. My grandparents have 17 grandchildren, 11 boys 6 girls. It was just easier for the 6 of us girls to be asked to do it I guess that way none of the boys would feel left out. It was also the day that my Uncle Donald passed away as well, Nov. 3. What a terrible time 2 deaths in less than 2 weeks, that was a funeral that I couldn't go to I didn't have anything left.

There have been times this week where I feel like it's back to that day when I got the call that he was gone, I feel so sad but in a way that I'm overwhelmed. I break out crying for no real reason and I think that I'm going crazy. I have never gone to the graveyard, not since the day that we buried him, I just can't do it. Our family flower is Scottish Heather and it is said that when the scot men went into battle they always carried some heather in there pocket. The very last thing that I did at the funeral home was to put some heather in his pocket, everyone else put in photo's and such I put in heather and tucked a daisy into his button hole. He and I would pick wild daisies and may flowers when I was young and the smell of both remind me of him.

That's it for now.
Huggies